UNDERSTAND YOUR DIFFERENCES

From the father’s heart

Dearly Beloved,

You must recognize that there are two kinds of things in the life of your spouse or partner. First, there are things that you can and must change in your partner. The things you can change and must try to change are those that life and Satan have added to him or her. For example, if your husband likes to wear dirty clothes, you are supposed to change that in him. You have to find the wisdom of God so that you can understand how you will change that person.

Secondly, there are certain things that you cannot and must not try to change in your spouse’s life; these are aspects of his or her character that make the person who he or she is. They are his or her uniqueness and difference in life. If you are married to someone who does not take nonsense from people, you cannot and must not try to change that; only God can do that, and if God will change your partner, you must take your obedience and instructions seriously. It is your responsibility to cover those things you cannot change, which is why God married you to that person. Trying to change him or her will lead to misunderstanding.

Fighting the areas of differences between you and your spouse is a mistake that can cost you your marriage. There are some men that are so stingy that even their fathers cannot get anything from them, but if you check out their wives, you will often find that they are generous angels. A woman married to such a man should not fight the man about his stinginess; rather, she should cover him. If your spouse is like that, stop calling it stinginess or micromanagement.

One of the reasons why personality differences in marriage have been a big problem is that the devil has given us names for our differences. An average husband would often say that his wife “never keeps to time” or “wastes time.” You should stop complaining that your wife “wastes” time. Women do not waste time; they only use time differently from how men use it. Stop complaining that your wife forgets everything. She is not forgetful; it is just that she keeps remembering things until the last minute.

You must understand that a man is different from a woman in reasoning. Women have a memory for details that men do not have. There are things that my wife (Rev. Oyenike Areogun) remembers about our journey in ministry that I cannot even rack my brain to recollect. In the mind of a woman, thirty years ago is like yesterday; that is why a woman remembers all the details whenever there is a quarrel while the man has forgotten. Women build relationships with events. Women operate like a web; men operate like a ruler. You and your spouse must understand your differences to make your marriage work.

Till next time, go and win with Jesus.

God’s Servant,

Rev. Olusola Areogun.